On my mind...

I'm feeling the need to write just whatever I'm thinking right now. No one has to read but don't mind if you do.

Why does it have to rain when the day has been beautiful and the sun was out? It ruins my mood almost instantly.

I am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight and yet a lot of my clothes don't fit. Why? Why do we have to change out hip size and never get it back?

I love being a mom. I wish I had friends here were I could enjoy the mom cirlce. I want to have play groups and chat with others going through the good the bad, the fun and sad.

Carson and I play a lot during the day. It's best in mom's bed though. Don't know why for sure but we have way too much fun in the mornings and after nap time. I think it works best because it's the most comfortable.

I miss my mom. Why can't I live close to her. She'd be the best gal pal to hang out with and I know she'd love to work on her grandma skills. I think my favorite thing about my mom is that there is no one else like her. She is totally unique and I don't get the laughs and smiles that she brings out of me from anyone else. My mom makes me feel good about myself. I mean, I love me when I'm with her. I think that might be the biggest compliment to my mother. To make her daughter feel like the best she can be. Life is ok when my mother is around. I miss you mom!

I miss my dad. I think I will forever be a daddy's girl. I'm sure that when I'm with my parents they get sick of me talking and talking but I love to share everything with them. I'm that comfortable with them. It's like sharing life with them finally makes life complete. I call my dad every time life happens. I want him to know what his little girl is up to. My dad is totally hip. Probably the coolest dad I know and he's mine. I'm the kind of person I am because of him. The best parts about me are from him, or I learned from him. If I can be as kind, thoughtful, conscious of others, playful, and wise as he is; I think I'll be the best mom....He was the best Dad.

I miss my siblings. I can't wait to be together again. I think, as of now, we are going to have sibling trips. The kind where no parents, spouses, or children are allowed and we re-live our childhood together. Hansen and I do that regularly over the phone and those conversations are most precious to me. Everyone grew up too fast. I can't believe Garrett is going to graduate and leave on his mission in the next 6 months; or that Andelyn is me to a "t". I mean, my Dad can't even get her name right she is so much like me. I wish I could be there as she is growing into her own beauty. I miss my brother seth. He was my favorite growing up ( did i just say that "out loud". I don't know what it was about him but we got along really well. It's like we were bound together a little differently than everyone else in the fam. I miss you seth, I really do.
James is a total stud. I'm pretty sure I've never met a cooler 11 year old kid...or one who struggles to smile to much. Ya know, cause that would be too cool! And Canon, he creates a good laugh among his older siblings (and mom and dad) and doesn't even realize that we are laughing at him--in the best way possible of course!

I'm amazed at how much I love my husband now compared to when I married him. You hear all the time how love grows and that it's common to love your spouse more with time.....it's a completly different thing to actually experience it. I have forever with David and I don't think I will ever get bored. He doesn't think I think he's funny but I do. I love how he makes me laugh. I've realized now that he also makes me think. Living with an intelligent man let's you see things in a new light...or even first light. Sometimes he talks about things I'll never understand, or even things I'll never care about; but we share the day together and bit by bit, we are learning to share our minds. Marriage is great. It's better than I ever imagined.

I'm about to say something crazy: I miss being pregnant! Really. I had no idea that was even possible. I'm sure when I am again (months and months from now) I'll not be as enthusiastic or this statement might even be null and void. I don't really know what I liked about it. I think it was the excitement of it all. And the love that develops for the life growing inside you. For me, I loved showing. The bigger my tummy got...the better. I loved it.

I have no idea what to make for dinner. Maybe I won't make anything. Cereal anyone?